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Writing Tip - Be Specific

11/13/2022

2 Comments

 
Sometimes I'll be reading a query and get a couple of lines down and think, "I don't know what's happening - I wasn't paying attention." So I start over - it's then I realize it's not me - I'm not zoning out, it's because nothing is really being said - everything in those lines is just generalized information and there are no specific details to help me get a clear picture of the characters or the plot. This happens while reading manuscripts too.

This is a problem with specificity. 
Here are some reasons for this:

1. Being specific helps make each moment feel real.

If the writing only includes generalized descriptions, it feels glossed over, and in turn, your readers are going to gloss over it - in other words, they're going to skim it. It's not interesting or exciting, so why should readers spend any time on something that doesn't sweep them into your world. Readers naturally know when to skim and when not to skim and one reason for this might be because specific details are lacking.

2. Being specific helps readers connect more to the story.

Providing only general descriptions, events, actions, and feelings doesn't allow readers to vividly imagine or experience what's going on, where it's going on, how the characters feel, or what the world looks like. If readers don't know how your character truly feels or what they're experiencing in every moment, and especially in critical moments, your reader is not going to care about them.

3. Being specific helps readers remember details.

Without concrete descriptions of your world, the actions, the character's feelings, or what's happening, your readers are not going to remember the details later on when they come into play again - it'll take them out of the story trying to figure things out and they'll get frustrated.

Not using specific details earlier on might also feel like an afterthought and that you just suddenly added the information on page 78 to make the story work when that might not be the case at all, but it still feels like that to a reader because the previous events, worldbuilding, emotions, etc. were not specific enough to help readers remember those details. 

Time for an example query to show what I mean (totally made up & might be horrible but I think it's enough to get the point across):

​Alyssa is sad and heartbroken, and after a huge fight, she falls into a strange world she knows nothing about. She meets a few people and discovers they have many secrets and bad intentions, and she doesn't know who to trust. 

Then after a devastating event in her new town, she is cornered by the evil man who's been manipulating her and she must make the right decision, or her life will be altered forever.

In all actuality, the above made-up-on-the-fly query tells me nothing. Sure, things happen, but what exactly?

What I really want to know from this query:

Why is Alyssa sad and heartbroken?
Who did she have this huge fight with?
How did she fall into a strange world?
What kind of world did she fall into? How exactly was it strange?
Who are these people she met? What kind of people are they? 
What are the secrets? At least provide a general idea if you can't show the secret (and may need to come in the form of the MC noticing odd behavior - show that)
What are the bad intentions of these people?
Who exactly does she not trust?
What was the devastating event that happened?
Who is the evil man in this world?
How has the evil man been manipulating her?
What decision does Alyssa make?
And more importantly what are the stakes - how will her life be altered if she doesn't make the right decision?

That's a whole lot of questions without specific answers, and this query would be a pass. Even if half or a quarter of those weren't answered specifically in the query, it would likely be a pass if I can't figure out what the story is about.

You want to engage readers, make it exciting, make it feel like the reader is experiencing every worldbuilding detail, every emotion, every action, and every single moment that's happening to your characters, so be super specific with your details in every way. This doesn't mean you need pages or even paragraphs of description. It means state things using specific details and description. You may only need to make different word choices or add an extra sentence or two to make it sparkle and shine.

Alrighty, so if you've made it this far, I have a challenge for those that want to participate. Take the above example query, and using the questions I have, write a query and post it in the comments below. The query that sings to me (using the tips in this post) will get a critique of your query and the first 15 pages of your manuscript. This mini challenge ends on midnight EST on Sunday, November 20th.

​Kimberly


2 Comments
Rachel
11/16/2022 08:03:26 pm

Okay, I got way too excited by this challenge and wrote two. I hope you don't mind. I did my best to answer each of the questions, so the queries run a bit on the longer side, and I, personally, would prefer to cut some of these details for more character building if this were a real query, but regardless, I had a lot of fun. Don't ask me about the mechanics of these worlds, I just made them all up on the fly.

Query 1

Alyssa’s twin sister always felt like something was hunting them within the dimensions they psychically traversed, and after waking alone in the lab after a prolonged dive, her sister’s body still warm, a distraught Alyssa refuses to go under again. But the scientists, scrambling for answers, force her back into the machine. In an attempt to stop them, Alyssa rips at the cables just as her mind warps to a new dimension.

Alyssa can feel it now. The icy chill prickling the nape of her neck. The taste of blood on her tongue. Something hunting her. And while flowers bloom and decay in seconds while sproutlings shoot into massive canopies all before hiccupping and restarting their cycle, there is one thing unaffected by the time loop: a mountainous glass fortress. While the townsfolk seem hospitable, they claim they’ve met Alyssa before. Thirty years ago. Believing this other Alyssa to be her sister, Alyssa tries to take off to find her, but the townsfolk lock her in a glass tower, refusing to let her leave.

As a chill creeps up her neck, glass shatters around her, the castle now exploding and reforming in a never-ending cycle. In the center of the chaos, a handsome man called Fowl claims her sister is alive, trapped within a time loop inside the fortress. In exchange for linking their minds, he offers her resistance from the time loops and the ability to find her sister.

Alyssa agrees, and once the pair are connected, time resets to when she first arrived at the fortress, Alyssa and Fowl the only ones aware of the daily loop. With Fowl’s thoughts echoing inside her head, it becomes clear he had been herding Alyssa and her sister to this dimension all along. Worse, Fowl’s presence seems to magnify the time hiccups, the townsfolk sputtering and looping uncontrollably. If Alyssa doesn’t find her sister fast, Fowl’s power could collapse this dimension, taking Alyssa, and her sister, down with it.

---
Query 2

After dedicating her life to the blood church, eighteen-year-old Alyssa is denied priesthood when, in a heated spat, she turns another acolyte to stone. Heartbroken—for herself, not the boy, he had it coming—, Alyssa petitions the enclave to reconsider by demonstrating her mastery over blood magic. However, instead of summoning a spectral from the underworld, a misplaced rune casts Alyssa into the crimson-skied realm.

Without her trusty oracle bones, Alyssa has no way to teleport herself back, but a group of demons recognize her as a holy woman and promise to help her find her sacred artifacts free of charge. But when one of the demons calls her by name without introduction, Alyssa knows they’re hiding something. Wary of their intentions, Alyssa consults her tarot cards which warn her of the one with violet eyes. Well, everyone here has violet eyes, so that’s not helpful at all.

After the demons take her to a Wraith with a penchant for human blood (no thanks!), Alyssa attempts to sneak away but is surrounded by the Wraith’s hungry followers. Before they can feast on Alyssa, however, the ground fractures, destroying the Wraith’s temple and releasing a Mare in a burst of black smoke. Mare can protect Alyssa, but only if she makes him her familiar through a blood binding. Despite being the humanoid embodiment of a nightmare, Alyssa figures having a bodyguard is better than being eaten alive.

After the pact is sealed, Mare reveals the demons as his underlings, shepherding Alyssa towards the hungry Wraith. Realizing she has been tricked, Alyssa attempts to reverse the spell, but only a holy priest can release a familiar from their bond. And to return home would mean unleashing a manipulative nightmare on her church. Now, Alyssa must find a way to ascend to priesthood, nab some oracle bones, and get out or she risks being haunted by a nightmare forever.

Reply
Kimberly
11/21/2022 12:20:23 pm

Hi Rachel,

Thank you for participating in my mini challenge! And excellent job on both fake queries! I love how specific you are with the details - I think I'm partial to the first one! :) Obviously, you are the winner of the query and 1st 15 pages critique!

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